How can some people live with full of motivations ? It's like living in a fairytale . Because you keep telling yourself , everything's gonna be fine , everything's gonna be alright , you'll get through this , it's not gonna rain forever and what not . It's like everything is okay . No , everything is not okay . You're gonna hurt when you fall down , and you're gonna cry , your heart feels like torn to pieces and it's not okay with that .
The reality is too hurtful.
But actually, it's because I'm scared of the future and what has yet to come. Am I making a right decision? Maybe it's right for the moment, but not for the future.
And actually, it's because I fear the past. What I've done. I don't know how to live while thinking about my past and mistakes. I just don't know how.
Then, regret comes. What if I regret for choosing this path? What if misery awaits me? Who will help me to stand up on my feet again?
Living with motivations sometimes hurt me because sometimes I don't have anything good to say to soothe my heart. To calm my worries.
But Alhamdulillah, deep inside of me, there are still some voices saying that I should believe in Him, The Creator himself. After all, I am living in His world. Not mine. There are reasons for everything. Inshaa Allah. This might not be something that I planned since I was a kid, not that I really did plan something, but there's nothing wrong to it. I will do my best.
Motivations are motivations. But words from Allah are promises.
Mierah Aziz
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